Monday, July 6, 2015

novel sitting styles: asian edition

Anyone who's been to Asia sees the way they take a load off – they squat, asian-style, on their haunches. You know, the way that looks like they're taking a shit. And really, it's also the way they take a shit, so it's a bit confusing. He was sure that shitting was part of the explanation as to why they rested this way, but he also assumed that it had to do with the chairs. As in, they didn't have any, or if they did, they looked like they could be used in a dollhouse to drink imaginary tea. This combination of Mini-me sized chairs and the lack of otherwise suitable seating seemed to lead inevitably to incorporating this style of resting into his relaxation repertoire.

And so that was how he came to be sitting like an Asian in a predominantly Western country, contemplating his position. He couldn't help but recall what he'd thought when he'd first started to notice it – is this person about to drop trou and squeeze out a clutch of brown torpedoes? His friend had even told him about, nay, warned him about, seeing a mother in China take off her kid's pants so the littler bugger could bang out a number two right on the side of the road. ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD FOR CRAP'S SAKE, his friend inveighed, perhaps unaware of the shitty pun. And there he was, mimicking the stance, if not the action. He tried not to make eye contact with passersby, because you know, out of sight, out of mind. When he'd started doing it, he couldn't even stay that way more than a few seconds at a time, but he'd been traveling for quite a while now and had to wait for buses in dirty, chairless areas many times, so necessity birthed this squat baby. It was all about crowing out your feet, and finding your center of mass, and now that he'd adapted to it, the stance had stuck with him like TP on a shoe.

But another thing he'd learned was that he was on a journey in this life, and that everyone else was on their own as well, therefore most commentary that might bloviate on his harmless actions was mindless chatter that he could happily ignore. He didn't answer to anyone except himself, so there was no reason to spend even a minute worrying about what anyone thought of what he was doing, because he knew what he was doing, and in a world where all the rules are made-up, when it came down to it, he didn't give a shit what they thought.

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